all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forget how to act sober
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
