I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She's JV to your varsity
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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