i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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