so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
