Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
