I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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