he thought i was a dude.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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