Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
