I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
