im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
