Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
