Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
