she woke up with a sticky ear
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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