Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
