Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
