Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
