By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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