i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
