I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
