how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
