Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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