After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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