I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
