ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
