I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
