You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
