as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
