mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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