weddingsv make me drug and hornr
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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