my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
