I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
