Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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