tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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