He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
