Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
