i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
