thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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