She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
