I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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