You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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