Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
