Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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