Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
