matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
