I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I could fuck to npr.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Pooping to opera.
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