i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
