he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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