the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
