We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
