I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
