You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
