Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
