I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
